Angie Merriam

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long time no see

Posted by Angie Merriam on October 26, 2011 at 4:05 PM Comments comments (0)

So, as it can be assumed, I seriously veered off course with my goal to be smoke free in 30 days! I have no reason. No excuse. I just couldn't do it. Call me weak, I am! What I have not veered from is the fact that I do have to quit! So, after much thought and deliberation, I saw my doctor. She prescribed me Chantix. I have considered taking the drug for awhile now, but the possible side effects scared the hell out of me. After trying cold turkey, and failing, I knew I had to do something so I started taking Chantix.

It has been almost 3 weeks since I began taking the drug. I was suppose to quit after the first week. I didn't. I did slow down dramaticly though and soon found the urge to light up was fading. Even while hanging out with friends, having a few drinks, I smoked less than I normally would have. By the end of week 2 the urge was gone! Yay right? Not yet.

I have smoked only 1 time in the last 4 days. To me that is huge progress. I don't have the urge anymore. I feel rather indifferent to it. It is just my habit I need to break now. I have to re-train my brain. I don't have to smoke when hanging out with friends, or when having a drink, or when I am having a crappy day. The addiciton is gone, but the habit is there. I am getting closer though and I am excited to be done with the cancer sticks all together. Another week maybe? We'll see :)

where had the time gone

Posted by Angie Merriam on August 10, 2011 at 8:15 AM Comments comments (0)

So, I can't even begin to make excuses for my lack of posting, but I will do it anyway.

July flew past me like a demon and it seems a million things came crashing down all at once! HUGE staffing changes occured at my day job, which translates into 100% better work enviroment and 110% more work. I don't mind the extra work, it has just sucked up most of my time. There is a light at the end of the tunnel though, and this journey will be well worth it once we reach that light.

Beyond work, my son's had another kid shoot them with high powered air soft guns(the kind that leaves a mark)...That is a future court date.....My wonderful, loving, idiot son made stupid choices and got himself grounded for two weeks(though I have to say I enjoyed having him home and when his sentence was served he admitted being home with his family was not all that bad....maturity is occuring folks)....My dryer broke at the worse time, with my work clothes in them! What's a girl to do? Drape them over the back seat of the car to dry on the drive to work(NO I did not drive to work naked)...on the flip side of the downers.....My brother in law got married! It was a truly wonderful ceremony and reception.(I only cried once) My daughter and neice were the flower girls...they were princesses and the bride was a beautiful princess as well. Family came from out of state for the wedding and I must say I enjoyed their time here immensely....We sold all our sand toys and bought a boat which is seriously great fun!!!! We have a river a few miles from home. I t hink boating and river swimming is the most relaxing, funnest thing I have done in a very long time!

Alas it now almost mid-august and a whole new set of 'things' to do is beginning....football, school, shopping, ect....This has been a very eventful summer and we didn't even leave home;)

PS: Smoking????Sadly yes. There is no way to deny it or get around the fact. I failed horribly in my quest to quit! That just means I get to start the quest again because I will quit...even if it takes a life time!

It's to darn early

Posted by Angie Merriam on July 16, 2011 at 7:27 AM Comments comments (0)

So, it has been a fairly good week for the smoking! Stress at work has changed from a worried stress to a "crap, so much to do, but it's to make things better, things will be better" good kind of stress. Not a whole lot of smoking has been done this week, but I have not stopped either.

I am frustrated with going to bed at night, ready to quit, saying I am going to quit, counting all the reasons I need to quit, and feeling ready only to wake up the next day craving one! I am able to go longer hours, sometimes until the evening, but I want go without the damn things for good.I want to do it on my own. I have never wanted anything more and it's the one thing only I can give myself...Why can't I do it?

I am always blaming one thing or another as to why I smoke! I always have some major stress, some special occasion, blah, blah, blah....I can find excuses all day long! The fact is, there is not a 'right' time or a 'good' time to put a cig down and never pick one up again.  I just have to do it! My 30 days to quit is looming and it's time to get it gear....Tomorrow......I have a bachlorette party to go to, you know I'm going to smoke(excuses, excuses, I know)

More later;)

what a weekend

Posted by Angie Merriam on July 11, 2011 at 7:40 AM Comments comments (0)

I am proud to report that yesterday I smoked only ONE cig!!! This weekend has been a whirlwind of good news and a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I know that stress smoking is no excuse to light up, but stress certainly pushes someone to have that one smoke, which leads to 2, 3,  and on and on!

I admit to be a stress smoker and a social smoker! The last few months of my life have been uncertain and I have worried alot! That worry is gone now, and I feel like my life is moving in a positive direction. This removal of negative energy is a driving factor to me not craving the cigs!

I feel this will be a good week in my quest to kick the habit! I feel like I will reach my goal of being smoke free in 30 days! I will have a road block this weekend when I go to my sister in law's bachlorette party, but that is only a stumble! As stated above, I am a social smoker, and give me a few drinks and the smokes are lighting up! That's OK though because I see the end! I feel the end! I can't wait to claim the title 'NON-SMOKER'!

I hope everyone has a wonderful, stress free, week!

what day is it?

Posted by Angie Merriam on July 7, 2011 at 10:38 PM Comments comments (0)

So, clearly my goal of posting daily has fallen to the wayside! I am not going to offer excuses, I will just try a little harder. This has been a rather hard week, if I am must admit! I have kept the cigs to a minimum but I am not close to quitting yet. The last few days have forced me to take a look at myself and re-evaluate some things. I have to learn to deal with situations in a much different manner. Smoking to deal with stress is not healthy, but neither is the stress.  So, on my journey to kicking the habit and being healthier overall... I am going to add a few things to my goal of no smoking.

1. Don't fret over small things or things that can't be changed

2. I will remember all I have to be grateful for whenever things seem really bad.

3. OK Ready? This is a BIG one! I am goint to STOP trying to figure people out! I am going to stop going above and beyond just to be left in last place. I am going to stop giving people the benefit of the doubt, if there was doubt in the first place there must be a reason. I am going to live my life for me and my family....that's it!

4. I will focus on the good not the bad and I WILL quit smoking!!!!(just not today)

OK that's all for now!

Day???Lost Track

Posted by Angie Merriam on July 3, 2011 at 11:45 PM Comments comments (0)

So Ieft off admitting that Friday night was going to be a hard night for as far as smoking goes! Well, I spent the entire first part of the day with my kids, three hours of it at the DMV! My son took and failed his permit test(by only one, poor guy) and we spent the next few hours shopping. Needless to day I didn't smoke one cig all day!!

BBQ rolls around, family and friends arrive, drinks are poured and voila....let my smokefest begin! I can't begin to count the amount that I smoked but I am betting it was alot. The BBQ was a blast though, and the kiddo's loved the fireworks! The adults had a great time after the kids went to bed, fun was had by all!

I woke the next day feeling like crap! My lungs felt smoked up and my chest was tight. I got winded going up and down my stairs and was royally pissed at myself. I expected this though and went until 7:00 without one cig. I only smoked two and went to bed proud of myself.

I did pretty good today as well, it's almost 9:00 and I have only had two! I have known for a long time that I have to quit for reasons to many to mention, but I finally feel like maybe I can physically do it! I am able to go for longer periods of time without them and I don't feel like I am going to rip someone's head off without my fix. That is a step in the right direction!

My son said to me today, "it takes 21 days to make and break a habit." So that's the key, I have to suck it up for 21 days to be a non-smoker! Maybe I will start tomorrow.

Night All

I am such a slacker

Posted by Angie Merriam on June 30, 2011 at 2:21 PM Comments comments (0)

Wow, it's been what, three days since my last post?!?! I admit, I have been a bit of a slacker this week. Well, maybe not so much a slacker, just really busy! It's allergy season in the great NorthWest and my work has been in full swing. On top of the busy work schedule my poor baby girl had 2 teeth pulled this week, and I am still fighting this stupid cold! I am exhausted and seriously looking forward to this holiday weekend;)

On the bright side the smoking cessation has been going quit good this week. I have not smoked more than 2-3 at night this whole week!!! Yay me!!! I am going to put it out there now though, an annual 4th of July BBQ will be held at my house tomorrow night........meaning drinks, family, friends, and fun will be had by all...and I will try my best not to 'social smoke'! Who am I kidding, I will be terrible at keeping my goal tomorrow and will wake up Saturday pissed at myself and swearing to do better. Maybe this time I will actually do better! Guess you will have to come back Saturday to see what happens! :P

Days 5, 6 and 7

Posted by Angie Merriam on June 26, 2011 at 3:53 PM Comments comments (0)

Ok, so I am a few days behind! Let me get caught up a bit.

Friday was a terrible day for meeting my goal. I spent the day with my mom, who I like to call a chronic smoker. She is rather ill, and the morning was spent at the doctors. When she asked me to take her to K-Mart, I had to, she rarely leaves the house anymore. We had a great time shopping and talking and smoking. I know I should quit and set a good example for her(sounds kinda weird), but seeing her so ill and frail has the opposite effect, I smoke more. The day was good though and even though she is exhausted in bed now, it was a good day.

I also brought home a trampoline for the kids! What great fun and a serious motivator to kick the habit. I should be able to jump with my kids for more than a few minutes. Really have to get in gear with this quitting thing.


Saturday I worked and I am happy to say it was a good day at work. No drama, no stress, just a good day. Late that night I layed on the tampoline with my kids and star gazed, amazing! I smoked, but not a whole lot, so the day was not a complete waste.

Sunday.....Today....So far so good. I have smoked only half of one and I think that is pretty good. The house is clean, groceries are bought, fishing and BBQ is planned so I think today will be a good day! Hope everyone is having a nice weekend........Tomorrow starts a new day and new week, maybe I can get closer to my goal as these last few days have been a loss;)

Day Four

Posted by Angie Merriam on June 23, 2011 at 8:29 PM Comments comments (0)

So, not even one so far today! Allergies are seriously kicking my butt, makes it hard to smoke when you can't breath out of your nose. Kind of feels like choking on air. Not fun! I can't say I won't smoke, as I am sure I will once my meds kick in. My hubby is on a "guys" weekend and this was suppose to be my "girls" night. Super lame as most my friends cancelled, claiming legit reasons, but I am sure it was all due to my drippy nose, lol! Who wants to listen to someone suck snot up thier nose all night, I don't, too bad I am the one doing the sucking!

Anyway, that is a nasty topic, so moving on.....My sister in law is still coming, and am still planning on a few drinks which goes hand in hand with a cig!I am getting better thought, and I swear tomorrow is going to be a new day!

Day three

Posted by Angie Merriam on June 22, 2011 at 9:52 PM Comments comments (0)

Day three and I am proud to say I have only had one today!!Yay me!!!!I do plan to have  few drinks with my sister in law so I will most likely meet my three quota, but resisting until almost 7:00pm is progress, don't ya think:) Anyway, not much more to report on, except allergies are in full swing here the the NW and being unable to breath through my nose is quit a motivator to not light up! Good night all!